Pandemonium, John Martin, 1825

“All the demons”

Pandemonium, John Martin, 1825

Meanwhile, the wingèd Heralds, by command
Of sovran power, with awful ceremony
And trumpet’s sound throughout the host proclaim
A solemn council forthwith to be held
At Pandemonium, the high capital
Of Satan and his peers.

-John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book 1, Lines 752-757

The sign on the pole announced Hannah Anne’s yearly garage sale in block letters written with a magic marker. Roddy barely slowed his run, glancing at the sign. Hannah’s yearly sales were almost like a holiday event in the neighborhood, certainly it was a weekend long block party. Roddy avoided them like the plague but as he passed the sign he saw with horror that the sale started today and his run route would take him right by Hannah’s house.

Roddy expertly removed his smart phone from his arm holster and brought up a GPS map of the neighborhood. Google Maps told a stark truth: Unless he turned around, there was no way to avoid the site of the garage sale. If he turned around, his carefully planned three mile route would be wrecked and he had to do the three miles today. Steeling himself to ignore the hoopla, he turned up the volume on his music, and set a deliberate pace he wasn’t going to stop.

As he neared the site, people were already either heading over to Hannah’s or setting up their own small yard sales. A few had already set up grills and were cooking. At seven in the morning! He could see balloons floating above mailboxes, children out on bikes or running around and neighbors walking singly, in pairs or groups towards Hannah’s house. Roddy shook his head in disbelief but never slowed his run.

Hannah Anne’s house was suddenly there on the other side of the street. It had once belonged to her aunt, but she passed a number of years ago, leaving the house to Hannah. It was an old house, dating from the late 1800′s, and it had that typical Victorian charm of the period. It was easily the oldest house on the street.

Despite his conviction, Roddy slowed, watching the people mill about examining tables, Hannah seemingly everywhere at once with a kind smile and a laugh. She wasn’t pretty in the traditional sense, handsome would be a better word, with mousy-brown hair and large dark eyes.

When Hannah saw him and waved, Roddy realized he had stopped running. He was halfway across the street approaching the house before he knew it. He stopped, wondering what he was doing, but he had never taken his eyes from Hannah and she was still watching him. A horn blare made him jump. The woman in the vehicle waved him over to the side of the street where Hannah was and he obeyed, once again stopping when he reached the sidewalk.

What is this? he wondered. I need to finish my run.

Shaking his head to clear away a sudden sleepy feeling, he turned down the walk taking a few loping strides before he almost ran into Hannah.

Her large dark eyes were like midnight pools. Looking down at them, he felt serene, all thought of avoiding the garage sale fled his mind.

“Roddy Garry,” Hannah smiled. “I’m so happy you came.” She playfully wagged a finger in his face, laughing. “It’s about time!”

Roddy nodded. “Past time. I don’t think…” What don’t I think? Didn’t I have something to do? “I don’t know why I haven’t come before.” Handsome? Did I think she was handsome? She is pretty. Very pretty. Roddy felt something stirring deep inside.

With a mischievous smile, Hannah glanced between Roddy’s legs, a mere brushing of the eyes. “None of that now. There are children about.”

The feeling left Roddy, as quickly as it came. “What? Oh, yes. Yes, of course.” He wiped his brow. “What was I thinking?”

Hannah gently held Roddy by the arm, turning him to face the house and the multitude of tables set up in front of it. “I believe you were going to browse.”

“Yes,” Roddy nodded. “That’s exactly what I was going to do.”

“I’ll be around if you need me, Roddy Garry,” with that she was gone, drifting away to another customer.

Roddy approached the tables and saw much of the typical garage sale fair. Stacks of books, boxes filled with picture frames, clothes, knick-knacks, vases, candlesticks and much more. Furniture was scattered about the tables. Roddy briefly wondered how Hannah could have moved the large couch out to the lawn by herself.

There were a pair of large oil lamps, the kind with the bulbous clouded glass, that Roddy thought would look good in his office. A first edition of Dracula was on top of one of the book stacks and underneath that was an original print of JS Bach’s Weinachts Oratorium. Treasures were to be found on every table.

At a table somewhat removed from the others, a number of objects lay. Roddy could not figure out why Hannah would have had them. A small figurine of a fat man, almost a buddha, but he held a sword across his knees. A plain golden ring. A foot-tall statue of a man holding a crystal orb above his head. A large black sword, the blade covered in red runes. A second ring of untarnished silver, or perhaps white gold. A lump of cloth that seemed to shift colors in a sickening way. An antique Colt revolver. An intricately folded piece of parchment that was blank. A deck of Tarot cards with an unusual design for the Major Arcana. Three blue gems, a darker hue than any sapphire he had ever seen.

Among the many more objects on the table, one kept catching Roddy’s eye. It was an unassuming wand, about a foot and a half long made from what appeared to be black cherry. Roddy picked it up and it felt - right. As if it was made for him. Turning it around, he saw letters inlaid along the wand. They might have been Greek, but Roddy wasn’t sure.

πανδαιμόνιον

This will look great on my desk. He turned to look for Hannah, to ask how much she wanted for it, and found her at his elbow.

“Roddy Garry,” Roddy fell into those dark eyes, wondering if she was single, “What have you got there?”

“Huh?” Roddy pried his gaze away and looked at the wand. “Oh, this. Yeah, um, I thought it would look good on my desk. Y’know, on a little stand?” He held the wand out before him horizontally to demonstrate. “How much?”

“Oh, Roddy,” Hannah Anne frowned. “These items aren’t for sale.” She reached for the wand. “They are for a few special customers.”

Roddy jerked the wand to his chest. “Special customers?” He eyed her, growing suspicious. “Why put them out here then?” He waved the wand in front of her face. “I want to buy this.”

A look of horror fell on Hannah’s face. Reaching for the wand, she spoke briskly, “Stop waving that around!”

“No!” Roddy was nearly shouting. “I want it! It feels right!”

“You were more susceptible to the charm than I thought,” Hannah said through clenched teeth while she reached for the wand again. “I only wanted you to buy something, but not from this table. I had it warded.” Hannah successfully grabbed his wrist. “Stop waving it!”

Roddy scoffed. “Why? Am I going to cast a spell?”

“By the Three, yes! Now, give it to me!”

“No! If you won’t sell it, I’m taking it,” Roddy yanked his wrist free and began waving the wand above his head out of Hannah’s reach. The other neighborhood people had stopped their browsing and were watching Hannah and Roddy with mild interest. “Let’s see what kind of spell I can cast,” he said clearly not expecting anything to happen.

Hannah dropped her arms, deflating. “Oh, Roddy. I’m so sorry.”

Roddy stopped. “Sorry? Look! Nothing happened!”

Hannah looked around wildly. “Yes, something did.” She turned in a circle, her skirts billowing out. “There!” She pointed towards the street.

Barely discernible, a pencil-thin shaft of light rose from the street and stopped when it was about twelve feet high. The shaft turned as if Hannah and Roddy were viewing a window along it’s edge, slowing turning to the flat side. When it stopped, a square revealed an opening to otherwhere. Darkness and flame, hate and rage, heat and cold all poured from the opening.

Terror grabbed the neighbors and they ran. Roddy clutched the wand in his hand, sweat threatening to loosen his grasp. “What is it?” he breathed.

Hannah, swallowed, took a breath. “The inscription, Roddy. It’s Greek.” A something began to fill the opening. A creature of hate and fire. “Roughly translated, it means All the Demons.” Smoke and fire licked the edges of the opening. “It says, Pandæmonium.” A fiery hand thrust from the opening, grasping the edge. “You just opened a gateway directly to the capital city of Hell.”

This is in response the the Studio30 Plus writing prompt of “Pandemonium.” I decided to go with the original meaning of the word rather than the modern definition. I was inadvertently helped in this by Jessie of Jester Queen in the comments section of her blog post “Queen Bitch” where she wrote, “Everyone came to Hannah Anne’s garage sales. She often sold enchanted trinkets from her aunt’s basement, and one year, Roddy Garry had acquired a magic wand of some strength.” Thanks, Jessie! 

Now a challenge for those of you brave enough to take it. On the table of items for the “special customers” are described magic items that appear in published books. Can you name the items and the books they came from?

C,W&T

Courage, Woe and Truth, Story Five

Today, Krista Heiser delivers a story for Courage, Woe and Truth that amps up the tension that has been building in the first four. “Sacrifice” puts us into the mind of the young Prince Mair, reveals a secret long kept that is sure to keep you reading the next stories and ends with an incredible action scene.

Krista is a great author. I’ve known her through the interwebz for over ten years and have nothing but respect for her ability to spin a good yarn. She’s penned one novel and is working on two more. You can keep up with her and her writing at Castle in the Clouds.

Goodbye. I don’t belong here.

Back in December when I started blogging in earnest, I had a vague plan of building up a following, writing a book and making some money. As time went by, this blog gained a solid focus, a name change and some pretty cool people following it. I’ve been around the internet, reading blogs of other fiction writers. I’ve been having fun even on those days when I don’t write.

When I don’t write. Yeah, some of the people I follow write everyday. They’re working on multiple projects.

I found out recently that my forays into social media have been unproductive. People visit my blog once and only come back if I’ve participated in a linkup – otherwise they never come back. One person even wondered how serious I was about having a writing career with such a poor social media presence.

Most of the fantasy writers I follow are diligently working on books and short stories. They post articles reviewing movies and books, analyzing themes, archetypes, tropes and magic systems.

Other people I follow have college degrees (BA’s and Master’s) in some form of English. They are professional teachers and editors themselves now. Smart people. People who know what they’re doing.

What am I? I have a string of jobs on my resumé, none of which qualify me to be a writer. Grocery store clerk. Retail store manager. Convenience store manager. Machine shop inventory. Grocery store sales flyer proofreader. Auto technician.

I’ve been to three colleges and never finished a semester.

I’m intimidated. I feel stupid. I feel unworthy.

Natural writing talent can only take you so far, but I really don’t know anything about it.

I’m a fraud. A fake.

So, I’m going to do what I do best. What I always do when things get hard or I begin to self-doubt to the point of inaction.

I’m quitting.

I don’t belong among the likes of such wonderful and excellent people. Jessie Powell who eloquently explained the concept of “Show, don’t tell.” Nicole DeFelice whose blog about her spiritual journey (and other things) is so smart that I feel a fool when I comment on it. Kelly Sajonia who writes, teaches, photographs, runs websites and is a single mom. LB Gale and her analytic articles on all things geek. Cameron Garriepy writing, writing, writing. Lance Burson music expert and prolific writer. Ash Silverlock whose articles on fantasy books are so deep and revealing. The list could go on forever.

I don’t belong here. I don’t know what I’m doing.

I am not as good as you and it’s time to stop faking it.

UPDATE

When I wrote this post this morning, I was in a dark place. One that had been growing darker each day over the past weeks. I have depression and since I am unemployed, I can not afford medications or therapy. I am not apologizing for that. It is who I am.

I had no intention of fishing for compliments or good wishes from anyone. I puked my emotions and thoughts into my laptop, hit publish and then turned the computer off. If I knew how to disable comments on WordPress, I would have.

But I think fate had a hand in what happened today. My lack of 100% understanding of WP allowed you, the people I admire most on the internet, to show me what a fool I am. It had never occurred to me that the feelings of admiration were reciprocal.

As negative as this post is, I am not going to delete it. I’m keeping it as a constant reminder that I do matter to others. That there are people who do care and that I should be grateful for you all.

I am going to do my best to respond to each and every one of you. It is the least I can do in return for what you have done for me.

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Writing Is A Process of … Abandonment?

Inspired by yesterday’s post, I went and took a detailed look at my writing archive. Which is really just a folder on my laptop titled “Writing” that has everything I have ever typed for the past 15 years. It’s a big folder. So many projects begun and abandoned …

I found one book idea I’d like to share because I spent so much time on it and it’ll never get written. There is much more background information involved including Annals (a history of years) and a rather lengthy essay on the nature of the various planes of existence.

Only the Prologue is complete. The first 11 chapters are outlined and began writing only a few of them.

THE
ARMAGEDDON
CYCLE

 by

E. W. Storch

 BOOK ONE
GATHERINGS

 Prologue
Hell
Present day

The heat of the Lowest Pit of Gehenna curled the feathers on all six wings protruding from Jehoel’s back. Light emanating from Jehoel’s eyes allowed the Seraphim to see in the dark corridors of the Lowest Pit as he made his silent and fearful way forward.

Jehoel hated Gehenna and he hated even more having to travel through its six upper planes to reach the Lowest Pit. Walking among the fiery pits of Sheol was to risk burning the wings off of his back. His stomach turned over at the sight of the the Archon Jao, former ruler of Perdition, strung up as the Humans hang meat to dry. As Jehoel walked by the body he thought he heard it cry out in agony. In response, Jehoel cried out himself and ran the rest of the way through Perdition.

At the Gates of Death, Jehoel met the Nabassu. The monstrous canine lept at him, huge teeth bared, hair bristling on its neck, razor claws extended. Jehoel stepped back and showed the face of the Lion giving an ear deafening howl. The Nabassu faltered, fear in its insane eyes but it soon recovered and charged Jehoel again. The beast knocked the Seraphim to the ground and tore at Jehoel’s throat.

Jehoel would have perished there, in the Gates of Death, were it not for the former Ophanim, Beezelbub. The fiend threw the Nabassu from Jehoel and without a word commanded the Gaint-spawn to leave. Jehoel stood and thanked the fallen one, pleading for safe passage to the Lowest Pit but Beezelbub only laughed and disappeared. Crest-fallen, the Seraphim had continued on.

Down through the Gates of the Shadows of Death where souls are tortured until their last breath is spent, only to be revived the next day to start it again; through the deafness of the Silence where souls are driven mad by the complete lack of sight and sound; and finally through the sludge and filth of the Bilge where most of the Devils and Demons make their homes, Jehoel travelled the darkness of Gehenna. He heard screams of agony, pleas for help and mercy and he heard the laughter of Demons and Devils. Everywhere he went he witnessed the torture of lost souls. When he finally reached the Lowest Pit, he thanked Anu he had arrived unscathed.

Jehoel wandered the caverns and pits of Satan’s realm in search of the former Seraphim. With every step he wished he could be within the golden walls of Araboth, but he had a job to do. A very important one.

His lighted eyes were of no use here where a red-orange glare permeated everything. It looked as though thousands of fires were burning out of sight but there was no heat. It was as cold as the depths of the cosmos. He found it hard to see, tricks of the light flashing, shadows appearing and disappearing, so when he thought he saw a figure standing before him he was not sure it was real.

“Satan? Is that you?” asked Jehoel.

“Jehoel.” The voice was soft yet commanding, with the promise of death underneath it. “What has brought you here? Does Anu know you are away?” asked Satan with the slightest hint of sarcasm that made the feathers of Jehoel’s wings stand out straight.

Jehoel, at a loss for words, had forgotton why he had come. Being in the presence of the first of the El-Ohim was awe-inspiring, even if that El-Ohim was an outcast.

“Are you content, Satan?” Jehoel finally asked in a small voice as his face shifted involuntarily from Man to Lion to Eagle to Bull and back again. Satan appeared much as Jehoel; six, feathered wings, skin and eyes that gave forth their own light but Satan’s face remained steady: that of a Man. The only discernable difference between the two was that Satan’s light was much more brighter than Jehoel’s.

Satan appeared relaxed, leaning against the cavern wall on his shoulder, with his arms and legs crossed, wings folded loosely on his back. “How do you mean, ‘content’, Jehoel?”

Jehoel took a step closer and pulled his wings tight to his chest. He was not sure if it was his confidence returning or the unbearable cold that was slowly sinking into his bones. “Content. Are you content here in Gehenna? Do you feel complete?”

Satan stood upright and unfurled his wings. An unnatural breeze ruffled Jehoel’s hair until Satan settled his wings back in place. He walked toward Jehoel as he answered.

“You tell me, Jehoel. Would you be content to spend eternity on this plane, herding about the lost souls of those not worthy of the Great Seven? Would you be content to play keeper to those abominations spawned by the Grigori before the revolt?” Satan stood before Jehoel and, thrusting his face into Jehoel’s, forcing the Seraphim to stare into his eyes, hissed, “Would you be content to be banished from Araboth for all time? Would it please you to know you would never be able to gaze upon the Divine Throne ever again?”

Jehoel took a step back flapping his wings in indignation. A look of shock crossed his face. “Such anger,” he said. “Have you been feeding rage all of this time? Have you learned nothing?”

“I have learned that my Lord has forsaken me! My God, whom I loved with all of my being has forgotten about me! Me! I was once his best loved. I was once the greatest of you all. What did I do to deserve this?” Satan dropped to his knees, hung his head and wings down and began to weep.

Jehoel stood and smiled. He leaned forward and whispered, “For disobeying the Lord you got no less than you deserved.”

Satan jumped up. Pointing a finger at Jehoel he yelled, “You dare! You dare mock me in my own realm? We fought side by side during the revolt when Michael called us all into service. You, who long ago accompanied me to the realm of Tebhel and befriended the people we found there, say such a thing?” Satan lowered his hand and his voice. Opening his arms in a gesture of welcome, he smiled. “Jehoel, we were once brothers. Will you continue to let my mistake come between us?”

Jehoel breathed deep the freezing air and looked Satan in the eye. “For striking the Lord Anu, disappointing him with your outlandish opinions, and being the cause of the Kinslaying, I begin to wonder why I come to visit you once a millennium.”

Satan’s face twisted with rage. “I was the First! I am the greatest of you all! Has Anu forgotten, as he has forgotten that Humans were not his creation? Remind him of that Jehoel. Or are you still too blind to see the truth?” Satan began pacing the floor, wings shaking in aggitation. Once again he faced Jehoel. “Gabriel, I’m sure, is still upset about her lack of recognition for that. Ask her about it sometime, Jehoel. She created the Humans that Anu is so proud of. There are not many who remember that.”

Jehoel crossed his arms and looked at his feet. “I know of it.”

Satan cocked his head to one side and a look of curiosity fell on his face. “Do you Seraphim? Then why do you so blindly follow the will of one such as Anu?”

“Because, Satan, he is the father of the El-Ohim.”

“Yes, the father of us all. Out of my sight, Seraphim, before I take you and lock you away with the Nabassu! You follow one who hides the truth for his own gain. I ask only that the truth be recognized and the time is drawing near when I will make Anu and all the El-Ohim see the truth!” Satan raised his right hand above his head, and with a wave of his forefinger, disappeared, leaving a cloud of eldritch smoke and the smell of sulfur.

Jehoel shuddered momentarily at the thought of meeting the Nabassu again. When the chill had passed, Jehoel stood by himself for a few minutes until the cloud dispersed. He turned around and surveyed his surroundings closely for the first time. What a dreary place it really is, he thought. How could any soul stay here as long as Satan has?

Jehoel shrugged, “Ah well, I have done my part. The End has begun.” Then Jehoel turned, sighed, and started the long ascent back to Araboth.

Chapter One
City of Babylon
7500 years before Present

Relate the story of Enoch–father is Jared–His birth and early life–SA 622–7500 years ago (approx.)

Jared hurried through the market place. He knew he had forgotton most of what he was supposed to buy but he was too worried to care about that now. He left his father, Malaleel, to watch over the flocks. Malaleel was old, too old to go into the city to buy food and too old to watch the flocks. Jared decided that it would be safer if Malaleel tended the sheep than go to the city. Normally, Jessica, his wife would buy the food while he tended the flocks, but she was heavy with her first child and Jared insisted that she stay home.

Chapter Two
Minneapolis, Mn
Present Day

Relate the story of a college girl who is met by Jehoel–

Chapter Three
Saratoga Springs, NY
Present Day

Joel Selligman recieves old document to be translated (fragment of Raziel’s Annals–first few paragraphs)

Chapter Four
Boston, MA
Present Day

priest witnesses an angel in a subway in Boston–Sees vision of the far past from the first age

Father Christopher Reilly shuffled down the street guided by the light of the steetlamps. His bald head reflected the light as if he had spent hours polishing his scalp. He was mistaken by the the homeless he passed as being one of them; his stooped, aged form folded into an enveloping black overcoat. He talked to himself as he walked, or so the homeless thought, but he was talking to God, praying for those same people who were mistaking his identity. He prayed for their safety and, in the back of his mind prayed for his own as well.

The streets were dark and empty at this time of the night but he had received a phone call earlier that had informed him that the widow MacIntosh did not have long for this world. He received that same phone call at least once a week from the widow herself and this time was no different. He went just the same. He had a duty to God and to his parish and he would not shirk that duty even though he was missing out on well deserved sleep.

Chapter Five
South of An-Najat, Iraq
Present Day

Archeologist discovers gate to 1st Earth in Babylon

Chapter Six
Middle-Eastern Wilderness
7500 years ago

Enoch’s Death and transpondence to Heaven.

Chapter Seven
Minneapolis, Mn
Present day

Girl gives birth to four children–Nephilim–she dies–children become wards of the state.

Chapter Eight
Saratoga Springs, NY
Present Day

Joel Selligman publishes findings of document–severely ridiculed.

Chapter Nine
Araboth
Present Day

Anu charges Kemuel with bringing the souls of the Nephilim to Heaven–Jehoel relates news to Satan–Satan vows to capture the Nephilim.

Chapter Ten
Boston, Ma
Present Day

Father Reilly reads Joel’s published work and leaves Boston for Saratoga–Has second vision on train

Chapter Eleven
Eres
Present Day

Archeologist visits Eres and finds the Lost Descendants of Adam–he meets Lilith–he Bythios

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Pen and Paper on a Rainy Afternoon

I sat at the kitchen table, my 15 year old mind brimming with the possibilities the blank loose leaf pages in front of me promised. I clicked the pen repeatedly, closing my eyes and letting my imagination take over. Would it be a fantasy story of wizards, dragons, knights and princesses? Perhaps a story about talking animals? A ghost story? Maybe a murder mystery?

Opening my eyes, I glanced at the clock. It was just past two. I began writing, “It was two o’clock. I was in my office thinking…”

What was I thinking about? A case I had just finished. A case involving some twisty infidelity. It appears today I was a private eye. Surely there would be a beautiful woman who needed my help?

My pen flashed along the paper like lightning, a tale of murder and greed unfolding before my eyes.

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a cold glass of chocolate milk appeared at my side and I ate without noticing. Harry Barter had just left the Blue Oyster to drum up information about Pat Miller’s dead grandmother. The bearded man was always in the shadows while Officer O’Hara constantly hindered Harry’s progress on the case.

And who was “Snake-eyes?” I had to keep writing! I had to know!

Page 1 of “Snake-Eyes” circa 1985

I wrote this in response to the Studio30 Plus writing prompt of “Make Believe.” I discovered two stories about a month ago that I wrote sometime around 1985-86 and while reading them realized that being a writer really is what I’m supposed to be doing. It also brought back many memories that I didn’t even know I had forgotten. Writing about me writing more than 25 years ago seemed the perfect thing for the prompt.

What I find interesting about “Snake-Eyes” is that I can see the foundations of my current writing style there. I can also see that, while not perfect, the dialogue in “Snake-eyes” is almost natural. I had a few more tricks to learn. There’s a certain charm to the original manuscript. The pages are yellowed and on pages 12 and 29 the ink changes color and thickness. I assume that it took me 3 sessions to write the story – I can’t remember back that far. I can remember beginning the story, sitting at that kitchen table with a stack of blank paper in front of me, feeling the excitement of filling those pages with words as I let my imagination run wild.

Can you remember your early writing endeavors?

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Of Comic Books and Gossip

“Dude,” Max whispered as he backhanded James in the arm. “Dude, didja see who just walked in?”

It was Tuesday and the store was busy. Max and James had just finished stocking the new release comics and all the guys who “had to have it first” were crowding the place. Max and James hated working on Tuesday. They spent more time making sure none of the books were getting stolen as they did actually selling them. James craned his neck over the register to see who Max was talking about. “Aw, crap, it’s Matt.”

The short, greasy-haired kid who just walked in glanced around the store with half a grin and when he saw the clerks at the register, the grin that split his face never reached his eyes. Matt raised his hand and shouted, “What up, guys?”

It sounded to James that Max began whispering under his breath something that sounded like “don’tcomeoverheredon’tcomeoverhere” while not quite making eye contact with Matt. James nodded to Matt, “Hey.”

Max backhanded James harder this time. “Dude, do not engage!”

“Relax,” James took a handful of comics from a kid who had been in his biology class. He could never remember the kid’s name and began ringing him up. “He’s over in the used section.”

“Thank God,” Max breathed.

“You guys talking about Matt?” the biology class kid said. “Did you hear what he did last weekend?”

“No,” James and Max said together.

Biology kid pushed his glasses back up his nose and cleared his throat. “Well, I was at Kevin’s house Saturday night playing a few games of Magic while we waited for Alex to show. We were going to see the Avengers.”

“Dude, that’s been out like six weeks already,” Max cut in.

“Wait. Kevin and Alex,” James mused. He suddenly snapped his fingers and pointed at biology kid, “You’re Shane!”

“Uh, yeah, James,” Shane looked at James as if James was sick, “we were lab partners.”

Max stared at James in disbelief. “You forgot Shane’s name? Wow, man, not cool.”

“What? It was like ten years ago,” James shrugged.

“It was last year!” Shane huffed.

“Whatever, man,” James glanced at the register. “Twenty-six seventy-five.”

Shane dug out his wallet and pulled out some bills. “Anyway, James, last weekend, James, we were waiting for Alex at Kevin’s house, James.”

“Geez, I get it,” James put the bills in the till and handed Shane a quarter.

“Kevin lives next to the Delta frat, right?” Shane went on. “Anyway, they were partying, and we hear a fight break out, y’know?”

“At Delta?” Max said. “I’m not surprised.”

“Yeah, true, but it was Matt.” Shane leaned in to the counter and whispered, “He was trying to force his way in with a bag of weed.”

“So?” James put Shane’s comics in a bag.

“Dude, Delta doesn’t go for that shit,” Max said. “They may drink and all but otherwise they’re clean.”

“Yeah,” Shane agreed. “I guess Matt thought he could buy his way in to the house. Couple of the bigger guys tossed him out to the curb.”

“So? They tossed him.” James picked up his phone and began thumbing it. “He’s been kicked out of places before.”

“I know,” Shane said, “but this time he was screaming something about having a friend inside and that he brought the weed for the friend.”

Max rolled his eyes. “Matt doesn’t have any friends.”

“Right,” Shane nodded. “Which is what makes it weird. He was pretty adamant that he knew somebody in the house. Kept shouting that if he didn’t deliver he was gonna lose his friend.”

“That’s not weird, it’s pathetic,” James put down his phone.

“Speaking of,” said Max, “Where’d he go?” The three of them looked around the store.

“Hi guys!” Came a voice from behind Shane. “I’ve got a question.” Shane wrinkled his nose and stepped to the side revealing Matt’s not-quite-grin. “I, uh, gotta get going,” Shane said looking at his empty wrist. “Gonna be late for class.”

“Later,” Max and James said together. They both looked down at Matt.

Greasy hair, a pointed nose and eyes that were constantly darting around gave Matt the look of a rat. A smell of unwashed body wafted toward James and Max. “I’ve got a question.”

“So you’ve said,” James went back to his phone and made a show of ignoring Matt.

Max glared at James a moment and asked Matt, “What?”

Matt shifted his feet. “I was wondering,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was wondering if you guys had any issues of Uncanny X-men from the 90′s when they split into the Blue and Gold teams.”

Max sighed. “Probably.” He gave Matt a stare. “They won’t be cheap.”

“That’s ok,” Matt pulled his hand out of his pocket. He held a crumpled mess of bills. “I got my birthday money.” James snorted, never taking his eyes from the phone.

Max eyed the bills. “Which issues?”

“Uh, any of the Jim Lee stuff from ’91 or ’92.” Matt began bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Yeah, all right,” Max glanced at James, but he was still focused on his phone. Max sighed. “Lemme take a look.”

“‘kay,” Matt was practically hopping. “Thanks.”

Max left and Matt asked James, “Do you think you have any of those issues?”

“Dunno,” James never looked up from his phone. “Do you have my weed, Door-Matt?”

For the Scriptic prompt exchange this week, Tara Roberts gave me this prompt: “I know a way to stay friends forever, There’s really nothing to it, I tell you what to do, And you do it” ~ Shel Silverstein You don’t have to use the actual quote..

I gave Bewildered Bug this prompt: There’s a planet here

afraid

Things that have scared the sh!t out of me

The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.

When Franklin D Roosevelt gave his First Inaugural Address in 1932, he was attempting to calm the American populace by saying that and with good reason. By 1933, the Great Depression was in full swing and things had never been worse.

But I have to disagree with Mr Roosevelt – something I’m not proud of doing because I think he was one of our greatest leaders. Fearing fear is great if you’re spouting rhetoric, but there are plenty of real things out there to be afraid of. Here are some true stories from my life of things that I am afraid of.

February 1987, Wilton, NY

I was walking through the woods surrounding my childhood home, something I did often during the 17 years I lived there. There was a light coating of snow, perhaps six inches, and the world was quiet. There were no sounds. Snow will do that to the forest: It will muffle and hide noise better than a professional sound booth. This was a fresh snow, it had stopped falling about an hour before I left the house. I was walking along, careful to step high and slowly so that I wouldn’t trip over a hidden branch or twist my ankle in a hole. At one point, my right foot came down and the snow exploded under my foot. White crystals blew everywhere accompanied by a series of cracking sounds in quick succession. CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK! A dark brown object roughly the size of a football had burst out of the snow, moving faster than I could have ever thought. It was a wood grouse. A bird. The cracking sound was the flapping of it’s wings as it escaped my foot which had come crashing down almost on top of it. It is a sound that haunts me still – a sound that has given me a fear of birds.

June 1990, Orlando, FL

I stood on the highest diving platform clad in Navy issue t-shirt and swim trunks. My arms were crossed over my chest, hands on opposite shoulders. Looking down, I watched the three frogmen staring up at me as they tread water. The water looked miles away and the diving platform was tilting back and forth, back and forth. The Company Commander was shouting at me, “Jump! What are you waiting for Seaman Storch? Why are you swaying like that? Jump, Godammit!” Others in my company had already taken this jump and the rest were waiting behind me. No one else had balked. It was so far. I couldn’t swim. I couldn’t float. I’d sink like a stone. “Are you afraid of water, Seaman Storch? What are you doing in my Navy if you’re afraid of water?” I was going to drown. I was going to die and this guy didn’t care. “The rest of your company wants to go for a nice swim on this hot day, Storch.” They didn’t this was a drill to practice jumping off a sinking ship. “PT for the company if Storch doesn’t jump!” he shouted to everyone who could hear. Then they all started shouting at me. “Jump! Jump! C’mon, asshole! Jump! Don’t be dick, candyass! Jump!” I knew what this would me for me later that night if I didn’t jump. Barracks justice. That wasn’t going to happen. Not to me. “You’re a miserable bastard, Chief,” I mumbled as I jumped.

May 2000, Somerville, MA

The three story house on Carlton Street was owned by a couple of guys who didn’t live anywhere near it. They rented each floor out as a separate apartment. Jessica and I lived on the third floor. We didn’t have much in that place – I was working as a proofreader for Stop & Stop (proofing the weekly sales fliers was a job a monkey could do) and she was a classical singer who had spots in a couple of choirs. We had set up our bedroom in the front room, the kitchen was in the back and between the two was a living area. We had a futon mattress on the floor aligned in such a way that if you were laying on it, you could look down the length of the apartment all the way to the back wall of the kitchen some 40-50 feet away. I awoke one morning, facing the length of the apartment, opened my eyes and witnessed the most horrifying vision from hell charging at me from the kitchen. It was kind of man-shaped, but it ran on all fours, joints bent at impossible angles. It was all spikes and fangs and looked the color of dead flesh. I was caught. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t close my eyes. I couldn’t move. The greatest fear I had ever felt had me in it’s grasp and I was paralyzed. The beast charged me and right as it hit, I jumped awake. I never before had a nightmare like that and have never since, and hope I never do again. To this day, I can still see it clearly and am still not sure if I was awake or not.

August 2006, Hooksett, NH

The house Tracey, Tristan and I lived in was small. Living room, kitchen, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. No basement, no attic. It was a modular home. I thought it’d be a good idea to place the couch in the middle of the living room to separate the TV area from the computer desks. Tristan was 2 and had just learned to walk, but he took to it as if he was born to run – he ran everywhere (and still does). Tracey was out one day, I was on the couch reading and Tristan was running around the couch as fast as he could. I let him, he was due for a nap soon and I wanted him tired so he could go to sleep faster. Because the house was small, there was only about a foot of space between the couch and the windows. Tristan was small enough to navigate that gap with ease. I watched him do it 20 times. Then his feet slipped. His head crashed into the window sill. He screamed. I rushed over to comfort him, scooping him into my arms, one hand holding his head to my shoulder. When his cries didn’t subside, I knew I needed to look for an injury. When I lifted him from my shoulder, my shirt was covered in blood as was his entire head it seemed. Blood everywhere. Too much blood. I panicked. I couldn’t find where the blood was coming from. There was too much, oh god, there was so much blood. Visions of cracked skulls and toddler sized coffins danced in front of my eyes. So much blood. It wasn’t stopping. 911. I need to call 911. The paramedics arrived. The police arrived. The paramedics took my boy. They police took me to another room. Asked questions. I was too scared to care that they were trying to find out if I hurt him. When that finally sank in and I was about to scream at them for what they were suggesting, the paramedics said that Tristan was fine. He had cut his ear. That’s all. Head injuries always bleed a lot they said. He was fine. He has a half inch scar on the back of his right ear lobe to forever remind me of that day.

December 2011, Bedford, NH

I sat in front of my computer rereading the words I had carefully crafted while the cursor hovered over the “Publish” button. This was it. If I clicked that button, there would be no turning back. The final hurdle to solidify me to the course of action I had chosen. How bad did I want this? Was I finally ready to do what I loved rather than hide from it? Was it time to believe others when for so long the only voice I listened to was my own? Was I really as good at this as people told me I was? Did I want to find out the hard way? IS there any other way? Hand shaking, I closed my eyes and clicked. It is done. Give ‘em hell, Storch.

This was written for the Studio30 Plus prompt, “What are you afraid of?”

JGBallard_Crash_OriginalManuscriptCropped

Writing Is A Process of Change

Original manuscript of “Crash” by JG Ballard

Back sometime in 1987-89 when I was a Junior or Senior in high school, my English teacher, Miss Fisher, wrote “Writing is a process of change” on the blackboard (she was my teacher both of those years). I don’t know if she was quoting somebody else, but I’m quoting her.

I can still see the board in her classroom from my perspective – first row, just to the right of center. Miss Fisher is one of two teachers that had a lasting impact on me (the other was also an English teacher). She saw in me a love of the written word and encouraged me to participate in class (I was the definition of duck-your-head-and-hide-nerd in my school days an my English classes were always stuffed with the entire football team). She had me read aloud passages from The Canturbury Tales in Middle English as well as bits of Macbeth and Hamlet. During my senior year, she encouraged me to join the drama club and I got a part in “Our Town.”

Mostly, I remember best those words she wrote on the blackboard in her circular, looping cursive (popular among young females during the 80′s – Miss Fisher was in her mid-twenties). She said that you must always be aware that whatever you write first when you are most inspired is not what the finished product will be, but it was important to let the words flow no matter how good or bad they are when they want – need – to flow.

I got what she meant right away. Well, I thought I did. Judging by the looks of the other students, I felt I was the only one who got it. And I did.

The concept of it anyway. It was many years before I was able to put it into practice in a meaningful way.

If you take a look at my Linden Tree episodes, you’ll see my writing as it stands; raw, unedited, full of errors and unplanned. It was part of the Linden Tree experiment – to post a draft as soon as I finished writing it without even reading it once. Before I write a new episode, I read the one previous and scan the others in order to maintain some sense of continuity. I have yet to change anything.

The book I’m working on is a different beast, however. It has been subjected to change from the very start. I was given an idea from my father and ran with it a short time, writing one chapter. I set that aside for a bit while I pondered what to do with it. When I thought I had an idea, I went back, wrote two more chapters and that’s when I noticed trouble. Things didn’t fit and the chapters were all unrelated as if they were parts from different books. A plan was in order and I needed to act quick!

What happened is that I thought about what kind of story do I want to tell and can I do it? Is it a story I would want to read? A began by reading the three chapters again and cut the one that didn’t fit AT ALL. Now I have two chapters that I can wrestle with a bit to make them fit. I drew a map based on some of the basic geography I had written about. As I added features to the map, the story began to unfold like magic. I could see it all! What I thought was going to be my first chapter is going to be the second. I wrote a new first chapter that begins, “Inger was more a military outpost than a town, but the Centropolis maps insisted that Inger was a town and so it was called by all who were there.”

This book has been subjected to so much change that the original idea given to me by my dad is no longer valid – it’s the chapter that I cut. Cut, but did not discard. No, no. Never discard anything you write no matter how much you dislike it at the time (but that’s a post for another day).

I don’t see this book changing much more until the first draft is complete. The story is focused, I know what it is and where it’s going. But it will change again before I’m done, of that I’m sure – and I’m okay with that.

The book cover sans text

The Dragon Reborn – The Wheel of Time Book 3

There are no beginnings or endings to the Wheel of Time…

The book cover sans text

In the third book of The Wheel of Time, the you-know-what really hits the fan. Despite that, I find it to be one of my least favorite books of the series. I feel that it’s full of some serious flaws. Before I get to those, though, let’s discuss what makes it good. Be warned, there will be spoilers if you haven’t read these books.

Since the end of the first book, we know that Rand al’Thor is the Dragon Reborn. It is not until the end of the third book however, that Rand finally admits it to himself. He is scared, and rightfully so, about what being the Dragon means. It is said that he will break the world with his coming, but he must come and survive to face the Dark One in the Last Battle. Most everyone wants him dead – good and bad guys alike. This book is important to the series because Rand fulfills the first big prophecy – taking Callandor, the Sword That Is Not A Sword, the Sword That Cannot Be Touched. Only the Dragon can take the Sword from the fortress called the Stone of Tear (yes, there are strong comparisons to be made with the Sword in the Stone of Arthurian legend).

These guys will Mess. You. Up.

This book also gives us our first real good look at the Aiel, the “savages” who live beyond the Spine of the World in the Aiel Waste. Only hinted at in the first two books, the Aiel are painted as a people to be feared, almost borderline evil. By the end of the third book, the Aiel have been introduced and a few things are learned about them and their culture.

The Aiel are fierce warriors and if they don their black veils, they intend to kill and you stand little chance of surviving. The Aiel aren’t evil, just mislabeled and misunderstood by almost all who live in the “Wetlands,” as the Aiel call the lands to the east of the Spine of the World. I think like most readers of this series, the Aiel are my favorite characters and I’ll talk about them in greater detail when I review the next book, “The Shadow Rising,” where we learn so much more about them.

Another new aspect introduced in this book is that Egwene, Elayne and Nynaeve are shown to be capable of learning how to do things with the One Power thought lost to memory and the ages. Being able to channel multiple threads at once and being able to “tie” them so that the effects last. Egwene is also shown to be a Dreamer, someone who can enter the World of Dreams unaided. The World of Dreams plays an important part in the series. Perrin can also enter the World of Dreams at will through his affinity with wolves, who say that part of them live there all the time.

Now, the things I don’t like about this book. First, despite the title and the fact the Rand fulfills an important prophecy, he is hardly in the the book at all. Only a couple of chapters are devoted to him. The rest of the book splits it’s time three ways – the group of Perrin, Loial, Moraine and Lan (later adding Faile/Zarine), the group of Egwene, Elayne and Nynaeve, and the group of Mat and Thom. Jordan uses all this time away from Rand to explore these characters in greater depth. We learn about Mat and how the Pattern is affecting his luck (in most cases for the good), we learn how the girls are growing as potential Aes Sedai and poor Perrin has so many conflicts dropped on his shoulders – from struggling with his ability to talk to wolves, struggling with whether he wants to wield an axe or be a blacksmith to his not understanding his feelings towards Faile – that we can do nothing but feel sorry for the guy. I think spending so much time away from Rand takes away from the importance of his acceptance at the end of the book, though.

Another thing that bothers me is that Jordan begins to overuse phrases and details. Everyone seems to be “knuckling” something, from foreheads to backs to mustaches. I like details in the books that I read and try my best to use detail when I’m writing fiction, but Jordan goes into heavy detail over things that don’t seem to matter – how people are dressed, how the inns the characters stay at are laid out, what food they’re eating (though not near as bad as George Martin in the Song of Ice and Fire books) and even what the villages and towns look like. Jordan gets detail heavy at times and for me, it bogs down the narrative. In some cases, it feels as if he’s bashing details on my head – “I get it! Tear is muddy! Quit telling me all about it!” It’s almost as if he doesn’t trust his readers to remember things. Give us more credit, please.

The last thing that really bothers me is an event that seems to have been added as an after thought. There is one short scene of a chapter in which Mat meets and saves the life of Aludra, the ex-Illuminator. As a reward, she gives him a bunch of fireworks. Mat later uses those fireworks to blast a hole in the side of the Stone of Tear, giving him access to the fortress. This is the only instance of Aludra being in the book – I almost think that Jordan wrote Mat getting to the Stone and couldn’t think of a way to get him inside. There are a few times that the fireworks are mentioned between the time Mat acquires them and then sets them off, but it seems forced. Aludra returns much later in the series and plays a much more significant role.

The full chapter near the end of the book when Rand finally takes Callandor is confusing and a bit hard to follow. I kind of like it because it gives the reader a good sense of what Rand is going through because even he is confused and doesn’t know what he’s doing. Unlike Egwene and the other women, there is no one to teach Rand how to use the One Power because it works differently for men and women. For thousands of years, the female Aes Sedai have caught and “gentled” any man they could find who could channel, hoping the the Dragon would never be reborn. Rand, the Dragon, the man who must save the world, is totally on his own in this regard. (For now – more on that in later books).

Back when I first announced my re-read of this series, I reckoned I would need to average 40 pages a day in order to finish all 13 books before the last book is released in January. I’m happy to say that I am currently averaging 49.7 pages a day. That gives me some room to play and maybe spend some more time writing my own book - and reading book four of course.