It was February 2006 when my manager at the garage found me in his office, huddled under his desk. I don’t remember how I got there, but I do remember feeling – knowing – that if I touched another car, I was going to have screwed something up so bad that someone was going to die.
The funny thing about it is that nothing ever happened at the garage to shake my confidence. Actually, I was very good at that job. Fast and accurate. No problems at all.
But something in me broke that day and I never fixed it.
That day when I broke, my wife held me as I cried on her shoulder. She said to me, “Shh, I love you no matter what. This too shall pass.”
I’m linking up with Lance and Leeroy once again for the 100 Word Song. This week, Mel from According to Mags chose Ok Go‘s song, This Too Shall Pass. I chose to talk about a very dark day of mine. The day I broke.
This hit every close to home. My teenage son was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder when he was 12. His worst episode was very much like your breaking point. It broke our hearts too.
I was in my mid-30′s when this happened and I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for a 12-year-old. Be supportive and stay strong for him.
What a terrifying experience to deal with. Especially if you aren’t expecting it!
I still have bouts of self-loathing stemming from that day and it’s been 6 years. Depression/anxiety is a horrible illness.
Thank you for sharing your story. I imagine there are many people that will relate.
I haven’t talked much about my problems on my blog, but I know that there are many who can relate.
when it happens – what a blessing to have someone like your wife to lull you back into safety -
She doesn’t know it, but she’s my rock.
It’s strange the things that break us. I could feel the absolute truth at the heart of your story, and the strength in your wife’s words at the end. (And hello on your other site!)
At the time, this seemed like it came from nowhere, but looking back, it’s easy to see many reasons why it happened. (and it’s the same site, just a new name.)
Painful memories here. Knowing someone personally who has experienced something like this makes it all the more vivid and real.
Painful to say the least. We’re still dealing with the fallout of that day.
Thank you for digging deep and sharing a page from your own story in this linkup, it was a brave decision, and you wrote with both vulnerability and vivid description, I could see it all happening.. I’m grateful that your wife was able to validate and encourage and comfort you, reassuring you she was there no matter what.
Thank you visiting and your kind words.
I can’t find the right words to put here. I’ve read this five times over the past six days and I’m still stunned.
1) your writing is amazing
2) i was diagnosed w social anxiety disorder at 16, did nothing about it for 20 years, and now champion the discussion of mental illness, therapy, and pills.
3) The last two sentences are just damn brilliant.
Great 100…Leeroy and I are proud.
Thank you, Lance. Writing about this in a public forum is difficult, though it is easier for me to do than face to face. I am fortunate that the majority of my days are ok days – then there are those like this one. This was the first time it happened, and I think what bothered me most is that I had no idea what was happening.
Wow. That was so open and beautiful. Thanks for putting it out there.